Im thinking of you

Thinking of you is a song by Katy Perry that I feel describes my feelings and thoughts so much right now.  No matter who I am with or what I am doing I can't stop thinking about Sam (names been changed).  I am in the exact city where met each other, starting dating, and fell in love.  Just driving down the streets brings back wonderful memories.  The sound of the train at midnight we would hear every night to tell us it was time to go to bed.  Or the perfume I recently bought, that I owned when we dated.  It doesn't feel right to be here without him.  No one really knows how much I think about him.  I simply put on a face and lie about it all.  Why?  Because I haven't talked to this man in over 30 months.  So now you think I'm crazy.  Why a girl like me still daily thinking about a guy I haven't talked to in over two years?  I didn't plan for me to start thinking about him more, it just kinda happened.  I have begged Heavenly Father to help me get him out of my head, but he seems to like the thought in my head.   I do understand I don't know the kid anymore and am not "in love" with him like I used to be.  I have to get to know him more and talk to him.   For some odd reason though all the signs seem to point to him.  Logically, emotionally, physically, spiritually it all makes sense. For a two year mission can only refine a man.  But I don't want to continue to think about him, it kills me to still be waiting and not knowing.  The thought of us working out completely terrifies me, while the thought of us not working out scares me.  I have loved Sam since I was 15.  He has always been there for me and my eternal best friend.  Thoughts of delaying even putting in my papers because I feel so sure about him.  But than again, I don't want to put my life on hold for someone that I haven't talked to in forever.  I do love him and hope he keeps his word when he told me.  "I will look you up when I get back".  I wish there was someway I could just get him out of my mind, he is not coming home for at least two to three months.  Or tell me the answer of what is going to happen between us.  I guess that is part of the fun, wondering and not knowing.  "Enjoy it", I tell myself.  Well until next time, my honest thoughts continue.