Thinking too much

As I sit here thinking at 2 in the morning.  Which is always dangerous, I wonder what my life will hold and what I really want.  One of my best friends asked me last night out of everything in the world what do I really want.  I thought and it came to me quickly "I want everyone to love me".  I think that is why heaven just seems so appealing to me.  So here at 2 in the morning, what will life lead for me?  I have been living with my a friend who has been married for two years and I don't want her life in the future.  Is it just me, am I the one with the problem and over thinking?  I just have realized I live my life so different than everyone else I know, I love to be happy all the time and full of energy.  What really makes me happy?  Will I be able to find someone to spend the rest of my eternity with who will make happy and I make him happy?  What is happiness exactly?  What kind of guy do I need?  What kind of lifestyle do I need to have?  The married people I know, none of them seem to lead the life I want to lead.  I want to be someone, I want to go places, I want to make impact on people's life.  I want to be able to be happy the rest of my life.  What will it take to get there.  I have lived this far in my life and been so happy.  I was talking to Katherine yesterday and I told her I didn't understand why people can't be happy, but at the same time my life just might have been so wonderfully great.  Maybe I am in for an extremely rude awakening.  Why had my life decided to go so well,  why have I been so lucky to lead this.  Most people say in agony "why me"  and I say "why not me?"  Its not fair to other people, they are so much more deserving to have all the blessings and wonderful lifestyle I lead.  What can I do to ensure my happiness, to make sure no matter what happens I will somehow meet mr. perfect who together will grow old together.  Growing old together is something we don't hear very often and I want to be able to say that, but not because we stuck it out but because we couldn't picture being with anyone else.  I know the way we find true happiness is with Christ, but people with Christ are still not happy all the time and of course still go through hard times.  What can guarantee that I will pick mr. right and be able to not let him walk past me.   Not being in a relationship and not being with any guy or seeing a guy in the near future really brings to light how big of a deal marriage and commitment is.  I'm scared of getting married for a mixture of reasons. For the fact that I will end up with the wrong person.  Or I marry the right person and they walk out of my life for some reason.   Yes, every marriage has their issues and I understand that.  But if I am stuck living with someone I can barely stand and won't let me be ME and someone I have just grown to stand??  That does not sound like the marriage I want... again what will life give me?  What is going to happen in the next 5 or 10 years?